


too pretty

by djhedy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Clothes Shopping, Genderfluid, M/M, Soft Neil Josten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25461856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djhedy/pseuds/djhedy
Summary: Neil has a few of his old clothes left: a grey tshirt with a faded logo on it that’s the softest thing he owns, that he wears to bed when it’s cold; a long-sleeved black top that he wears when he’s feeling weird about his scars, but it’s too hot for armbands, or whatever; anything denim Andrew had thrown out a while ago, replaced with things that fit (apparently).He thinks he must look ok these days, because Andrew tells him he does, and sometimes presents come from him, or Nicky, or Allison, and Neil takes them obediently because he’s learned to pick his battles. He doesn’t care.Or he thinks he doesn’t.-neil feels uncomfortable about clothes, and gender, and andrew & nicky take him shopping
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 27
Kudos: 421





	too pretty

**Author's Note:**

> this fic should have been called "too soft" -hedy x

Neil has a few of his old clothes left: a grey tshirt with a faded logo on it that’s the softest thing he owns, that he wears to bed when it’s cold; a long-sleeved black top that he wears when he’s feeling weird about his scars, but it’s too hot for armbands, or whatever; anything denim Andrew had thrown out a while ago, replaced with things that fit (apparently).

He thinks he must look ok these days, because Andrew tells him he does, and sometimes presents come from him, or Nicky, or Allison, and Neil takes them obediently because he’s learned to pick his battles. He doesn’t care.

Or he thinks he doesn’t.

But some things make him feel uncomfortable, sometimes. Being cat called by random strangers doesn’t faze him; sometimes Andrew reacts, sometimes he just tugs him to a different corner of Eden’s. One time he hears “have you seen that man with the red hair? he’s fucking beautiful” and he tenses a little, looks down at his clothes and picks at his hair and moves on.

One time Matt makes some throwaway comment about voting on the hottest man and the hottest woman on the team, and for some reason Neil wins one and not the other. He doesn’t really get it, except he has to admit Allison is objectively beautiful.

He puts it down to not really understanding other people’s obsession with gender or sex or sexuality or whatever. Those things that the others are always talking about. The team is divided into gay and straight, and divided again into the ones who enjoy talking about it and the ones who don’t.

They’re drinking and talking one night, Neil absently untying and retying Andrew’s shoelaces where they’re sat cross-legged on the floor, when Aaron sort of accidentally tells the group he’s bisexual. It’s accidental because he’s been asked some question – they all have – about what everyone finds attractive in the opposite sex. It’s made Neil go all tight and he’s playing with Andrew’s shoes instead of listening properly, something he knows will make Andrew look at him with concern later.

And Aaron has said, “It’s not really different.”

Everyone gets excited and Aaron gets flustered and has to explain, “I mean, you know, why is it different? Don’t you just like... you know. Strength?”

Which leads to a conversation about how Dan and Allison and Nicky do, but Matt and Renee prefer something different, not weaker, but smaller. It gets Matt hit playfully by a whole-foot-shorter-than-him Dan and subconscious-about-her-height Allison gives Renee a look that Neil finds interesting, but not surprising.

Someone pokes Kevin with a metaphorical stick and he rolls his eyes and says, “There are more important things.” Thea left him, and no one’s been brave enough to talk to him about it, but Matt gives him a bit of a pat on the shoulder.

And then Nicky says, “Neil! Help us out here. You have a unique perspective.”

“In what?” asks Neil, alarmed.

“What do you find attractive in different genders?”

“I told you, I don’t,” he says with a frown, Andrew tensing a little beside him.

Nicky rolls his eyes. “Yeah yeah, but come on – besides Andrew – I mean, boobs? Ass man? Pecs? What do you prefer?”

Neil says, “I literally couldn’t give a crap about someone’s gender.”

Nicky opens his mouth but Andrew says, “Leave it.” Short, to the point.

Later, Andrew asks, “What was that about.”

And Neil shrugs, checks Kevin’s asleep, and whispers, “It just pisses me off sometimes.”

“Everything pisses you off.”

“They’re so obsessed.”

“With what?”

“Gender.”

Andrew hums, and cards his hand through Neil’s hair, and they fall asleep.

Nicky and Andrew want to go shopping that weekend. For some reason Aaron and Kevin opt to stay behind, something of a look lingering between them that Neil couldn’t really care less about but can read nonetheless. He just hopes Andrew can’t.

Neil thinks it might be a rare cousin bonding day, but Nicky turns up at their dorm, stealing a bowl of porridge from the pan and telling Neil about the new video game he and Andrew want to buy. It’s out today, or something, and Neil enjoys watching them play more than he enjoys playing himself; he also enjoys how riled up Andrew gets when he loses to Nicky, the after effects of that. He smirks into his bowl and figures he’ll go.

He stares at his clothes a little longer that morning, goes to find Andrew and says, quietly, “Hey, can I get your help on something.”

Andrew raises both his eyebrows, shocked to the core, immediately sliding from his stool and leaving Nicky mid-conversation.

In the bedroom Neil waves an arm at his dresser and says, “Can you pick me something?”

Andrew blinks at his dresser and looks back again. “To wear?”

“Yeah.”

Andrew stares at him. “Have you had a stroke.”

Neil smiles, embarrassed, and sits on the edge of the bed. “I just can’t – decide.”

“Hmm.” Andrew opens a drawer and starts picking through tshirts. “I can see how it’s tough for you. Orange, or grey. Or orange. Or –”

“Alright mr monotone.”

“That’s my father’s name,” Andrew deadpans, grabbing an old #3 Minyard jersey he knows Neil stole and throwing it at his pyjama-clad torso. And then a pair of skinny grey jeans. “Ok?” he asks, and Neil nods as he leaves the room.

The mall is too bright and too busy and Neil walks an inch away from Andrew, following them into the game store which is busy with gamer nerds, and when Neil comments on that too loudly he earns a cuff round the head, rubs it whilst smirking at Andrew, who kisses him on the temple when Nicky turns away.

Then they go for bubble tea, Neil’s favourite part of mall trips.

Nicky and Andrew are reading the back of the game box – they’re holding one copy each – and Neil is looking around, watching people and feeling sort of generically anxious, like his brain wants to look for danger and can’t find any.

“Do we need anything else?” asks Nicky, slurping through his straw.

Andrew points at Neil and says, “Clothes.”

Neil frowns. “Do I need any?”

“Always!” says Nicky, perking up. “Great idea, I love dressing Neil.”

Andrew looks at him. “Today Neil dresses himself.”

“Ooooh,” says Nicky with obvious excitement. “Is that even a thing? I didn’t know that was a thing we let him do.”

“We’ll supervise,” says Andrew with a smirk, and Nicky laughs.

Neil says, “I have no idea what I’d get.”

Andrew shrugs. “That’s why we’ll supervise.”

Nicky talks all the way to their usual clothing store about different looks and fits and current fashion and Neil gives Andrew a bit of a panicked look, and gets interlinked fingers in return.

They go through railings, letting Neil navigate to stuff first and then commenting on it. Neil doesn’t navigate to much, and after a while Andrew says, “You’re only picking out things you already own.”

Neil feels frustrated. “Well, that’s what you picked out for me.”

“Right, and that isn’t the purpose of today.”

“Then what is?”

Nicky rubs his hands together. “Let’s split up. All find one _new_ thing for Neil to try on?” Nicky and Andrew walk off immediately, but Neil stays rooted to the spot, feels embarrassed and kind of pissed off. Part of him wishes he’d never given up his right to stay anonymous; but part of him knows he likes the way Andrew looks at him in some of his clothes. He just wishes no one else would look at him like that.

He wanders off, anger bubbling under the surface, finds himself among some brighter clothes he’d never have considered before. Greens and blues and something with a flower pattern he doesn’t hate. There’s a top which kind of curves wide and loose around the collarbone, sleeves which hang at the elbows, and he almost reaches for it, before remembering his scars. He’s wearing his long-sleeved black top under Andrew’s jersey, and rubs his wrists through the material, looking at the beautiful green top and feeling sad.

Andrew catches him looking, of course, as Neil is turning away, and says, “That one?”

Neil looks back at it. “Oh,” he says. “No. Too – I don’t think I could wear my armbands with it.”

“Why not?” Andrew picks at it, looks at the price, the size.

“Um. It’s too –” Neil flails his hand a little, looks back at it. “Pretty.”

Andrew gives him a look Neil can’t interpret, and then flicks him on the nose and says, “You don’t hear me complain.”

Neil’s eyes widen as Andrew goes back to flick through the tops, and then grins and says, “Bullshit. You complain about me all the time.”

Andrew ignores him, and finally pulls out one that must be Neil’s size, and Neil panics and says, “No, seriously, I don’t think I could wear that, you don’t think it’s too –”

“No, I don’t,” Andrew says, folding it over his arm with his own choice that Neil hasn’t seen, and they leave to meet Nicky outside the changing room.

Nicky barely bats an eye. “Woah, your eyes will look, like, WOAH, in that. Don’t you think, Andrew?”

Andrew hums and shoves all three things at Neil’s and jerks his head inside. Neil takes them and goes.

To Neil’s surprise, none of the clothes are black, or grey, or orange. He has his green top, which he hangs up first. A pink short-sleeved tshirt that says “here to fck you up” which makes him laugh, and then a denim jacket with patches and badges and rips all over it. He tries them on in turn, first over his long-sleeved top, and then without it, avoiding his face in the mirror but glancing at his hips and chest as he turns. They all fit, snug, curving around his torso in ways he doesn’t see on the other guys, not even Nicky. But he really likes it. The denim jacket is a good fit on the shoulders, but short, like resting just above his hips, but he thinks that’s on purpose, and he loves it instantly.

He comes out with his possessions flushed, and grinning, and Andrew and Nicky stand in unison from the bench where they’d been boredly scrolling on their phones, and Nicky claps his hands together and says, “Well?” When Neil just nods, Nicky says, “Great! Which one?”

“Oh, uh, all of them?” says Neil, equal parts pleased and embarrassed and clutching onto his new clothes like he’s afraid they’ll get snatched away.

Nicky grins and steers him by the shoulder to the checkout.

Andrew kisses him when Nicky’s not looking and hooks his hand round Neil’s shoulders, and when they get home Neil tries the green top on first, lets Andrew curl his hand over Neil's bare collarbone, round his neck and pull him in for a kiss, grabbing his hip through the light material, and Neil sinks against him. When Andrew's done with him, moves to the window to smoke, Neil switches to the pink top with the denim jacket, lets Andrew roll the sleeves up to his elbow and for once doesn’t feel like wearing his armbands. He shows Nicky, and then the upperclassmen, and even knocks on Aaron’s dorm, Aaron opening it and Kevin sat stiffly on the sofa, and Neil says, “What do you think?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “You look like a mess.”

And Neil grins.

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyyyy no edit no judge xxx


End file.
